TWO YEARS TO MOVE PAST A SERIOUS ADHD BLOCK😞

Yes, you read that right. It has taken me nearly two years (shy 4ish months) to get working on this project. I have also been unable to work past my shame of not getting it done when it was started🤦🏻‍♀️.

I finished the first part of the project just as the holidays began in 2024. Minor things like needing to take Phoenix to the vet a few times, covid illness out of nowhere for me, and just not being focused enough to start kept me from working on it. Then I was beginning to realize something was keeping me from finishing a lot things...NOT just this project but many other things that were creating life problems.

The LA fires hit in January 2025 and I become engrossed in helping people who lost everything connect back with some lost Disney items. I needed to have something that I accomplished and had a good outcome and so that became my only focus for months. It was deeply satisfying and made me feel so good. There is nothing like being able to make people smile, especially people who have literally lost everything. The few little items certainly did not replace everything for them but it was the little things that meant so much to them. I still think that was the most satisfying thing I have done for others.

As that work trickled down, I found myself unable to complete anything😳. Doing my Disneyland work seemed not important since I really wasn’t growing (still am not growing but I’m over it now). I just couldn’t explain what was happening in my brain.

As 2025 got worse with all the political turmoil I lost focus on the project entirely.

Then a ganglion cyst appeared on my wrist😖. This showed up out of nowhere and was incredibly painful and made typing on my computer impossible. I had to stop doing my daily updates for a while because of it. Today that cyst is NOT gone but it has reduced sufficiently enough that I can type normally again. I just need to make sure I don’t piss it off because it will become very angry.

Late last year I finally decided to figure out what was going on in my brain and got screened for ADHD. The clouds started to clear in my mind after I was finally diagnosed and started on meds. It was an amazing feeling when I began to be able to do things without this weirdness inside me holding me back. I’m not 100% there yet, I actually have an appt today with that doc, but I took the first step into tackling that project today. I don’t know how long it will take me to complete but I am feeling good that I am on the right track.

I feel like I let people down in not getting this project done😞 so it is really important to me to get through this and finish it appropriately. What is that project? ...

I interviewed 5 people on their experiences with the new Disability Access Service (DAS) under the new changes. The ‘insurmountable task’? Transcribing each interview (one had significant technical issues and will require extra attention), setting up posts for them, and then posting them for everyone to see.

Even though I could not finish that, I was able to get many people interviewed by the LA Times and CBS for the two pieces that did go out publicly so I feel mostly good about that work. I feel like the message wasn’t clear enough though as nothing good came out of that work and those media posts.💔

So as I begin working on these interviews today I am setting small goals each day to try and move myself forward. Goal one, begin transcribing the interviews today. I’ve started one already.

I can do this! I’ve put my backpack of shame down and my computer on my lap and I WILL do this!