No More Fear

I’m truly embarrassed and sad where I am right now with my weight. I’ve let me fear of pain rule my life for so long. I don’t complete projects. They pile up and I feel worse every day.

I was 185 when I was about ready to give birth to my child. I’m 185 right now and although my weight hasn’t increased over the last few years, it hasn’t gone down either. My arms and legs are weak and carry weight too and it’s frustrating trying to do weight bearing exercises.

I decided the other day that this was it. No more daily Coke drinks. Small lunches and a small breakfast. Hubby makes dinners and has to make mine separate sometimes because I can’t have dairy products. The inability to eat dairy has helped a tiny bit, no more cheese, desserts, cheeseburgers (and hamburgers because most places use the same flat grill for everything), etc. but I lost my ability to eat what I love, creamy Italian dishes, shakes (I’ve found the few vegan ones offered about and I can have those but that can be a ton of sugar)…sigh.

So I bought a small Pilates workout thingy and I’ve been trying out the exercises.

I used to go to the gym every weekday. I used to do yoga every day. I’d walk to have lunch with my mom at the bottom of Bunker Hill, then run up those steps back to my office. I hiked in the Angeles Crest Forest and just walked everywhere.

My MS diagnosis robbed me of that life. My aneurysm created deep fears of being alone and gave me new symptoms from the significant brain damage I incurred and savagely woke up a spinal lesion that had quieted down.

Disney brought me back to life but slapped me in the face with my limitations. DAS gave me some magic back but then that was taken from me too.

I’m done being a victim of my diagnoses and my fear.

I’ve been working on what I can and cannot do with the Pilates thing and other tools (bands and weights).

So far I’ve needed a few recovery days after doing a short workout. Today I’m creating flash cards of the exercises I can do and the ones I can’t….yet.

I’m not going to post every day my workouts or my photos. I’m not a vlogger as you already know because I’m terrible at filming things and myself. Tremors and needing to hold on to my rollator make that difficult.

But I’ll probably let you know when I hit a milestone of mine.

This also means I’m going to tackle those projects that stare me in the face everyday…little by little. Because baby steps are still steps.

🖤Rosie